drake and josh's guide to parent hood
by xxquirpxx
Summary: drake and josh end up looking after a 2 year old girl. This was also writen by my friend xxdrakexx please review
1. Chapter 1

Drake woke up on the couch he had a headache; he looked down and realised he was wearing a Barbie dress.

"WHAT THE HELL" he screamed and looked at the clock, it was 3:30 am. _I'm going to go to bed and think about this out in the morning. _He thought to himself. He wondered though to the bedroom, got into his pjs, pulled back the covers and screamed looking up at him was a little girl.

"I have to go potty and... never mind" she said, Drake grimaced.

"OK you should get out my bed and get out of my pad" Drake said to her but she started screaming and Josh woke up and started screaming to "no no please don't scream" Drake yelled.

"It was your screaming that woke me up!" Josh complained.

"That was her" Drake said pointing at the little girl.

"Drake aren't you a little old to wet the bed" Josh asked, Drake glared at him.

"That was her" he said.

"Where's my mummy?" she asked looking tearful.

"She's so cute" Josh said to Drake.


	2. Chapter 2

"Daddy" said the kid whilst pointing at Drake.

"No, not daddy" said Drake whilst he opened the door.

"What Drake is trying to say is that..." Josh started.

"What Drake is trying to say is, leave" Drake finished.

The little girl wondered out sadly as Drake closed the door behind her.

"What did you do that for" Josh yelled.

"She's not our problem", Drake replied.

"You can't throw a little kid out on the street" Josh yelled, "get your coat we are going to look for her".

Meanwhile the girl had ran though the streets and found herself sneaking into the backstage of a concert.

"Thank you, you've been a great audience" said the band as they walked off stage.

"Yo, Serge, what's with the kid" said Bob.

"Gerard Way you have a daughter and you didn't think to tell me!" Frank yelled.

"She's not my daughter you idiot" said Gerard, he turned to the kid.

"What's your name sweetie?" he asked.

"I'm Violet, have you seen my mummy?" she said sweetly.

"What's your mummy's name?" Frank asked.

"Josh" Violet said.

"And your daddy's name?" said Gerard.

"Drake.

"Ok let's go and look for them" Gerard said.

Meanwhile... Drake marched into the bedroom, grabbed his coat and stormed into the living room "why did you kick her out?" Josh asked.

"Because I don't do kids and she peed in my bed!" Drake yelled and stormed outside Josh followed "Why are you so worried about her? Drake asked but as he spoke Gerard stormed up to them.

"Is this yours?" he asked holding Violet at arms length.

"OHMYGOD your Gerard Way!" Drake screamed.

"Yes I am, is this yours?"

"Yes, thanks" Josh said taking Violet from Gerard.

"OHMYGOD your Gerard Way!" Drake repeated as someone else joined them.

"BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

He yelled as he approached the crowd.

"OHMYGOD your Frank Iero" Drake screamed.

"Not again" Gerard yelled.

"I think you should come with us" said Josh.

"Do you have coffee?" Gerard asked.

"Do you have Bees?" Frank asked.

"Err we have coffee but we don't have bees" Josh said.

When they got back to Drake and Josh's flat Drake went to sit down on the sofa, when he sat down Violet sat on his knee "Ewe you wet yourself" he said to Violet but she had fallen asleep. "Josh" Drake called.


	3. Chapter 3

Josh walked over to Drake and picked Violet up. "Put her in the dog bed" Drake wisped.

"Dude you can't put a little girl in the dog bed!" Frank said.

"What?" Gerard said giving Frank a romantic look and blew him a kiss.

"Put her in the washing machine" Frank said. Drake took Violet off Josh and went to put her in the washing machine, Drake put Violet down to open it but she woke up and bit his arm.

"Josh help" he screamed, everyone ran into the room "get her off" Drake screamed.

Fran plucked Violet off of Drakes arm.

"I wanna to bite Drake's arm, it tastes nice" Violet complained.

Frank put her down hurriedly.

"I don't wanna get eaten!" Frank squeaked, they followed Violet into the front room, then the door bell rang.

"Don't answer the door" Gerard said slowly.

"Ok" Violet said and opened the door. The paparazzi came running in and carried Frank and Gerard off.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Gerard, Frank!" Drake screamed.

"I'm hungry" Violet said, Josh looked at the clock.

"Its 7:30 I gotta get ready for work, Drake make violet breakfast".

"But".

"Just do it!" Josh yelled walking to the bedroom.

"What do you for breakfast?" Drake asked.

"Scrambled eggs, hash browns and a bacon dipping source" Violet said.

"Bowl of cereal then" Drake said walking into the kitchen.

"Drake give her a bath" Josh called.

"No" Drake yelled back "What cereal do you..." Drake said looking down where Violet was standing, but she had run off "nice job Josh you scared her!" Drake yelled starting to look for her.

"Sweetie you gotta have a bath" Josh said to Violet who had tried to run into the bedroom, but Josh had caught her.

"I don't wanna have a bath, they're stinky, evil and scary" Violet yelled in protest.

"She's right" Drake mouthed to Josh who took a couple of steps back.

Violet took a step forward and deliberately tripped over, and started crying. Hoping this would make them forget about the bath.

"Are sweetie" Josh said picking her up "start the bath running" he mouthed to Drake.

After an hour of screaming and crying (and this was just the boys) Violet was clean.

Josh had run off to work as soon as violet was in the bath.

Drake poured himself ad Violet a bowl of cereal "can we go to the park please?" Violet asked.

"Fine" Drake said.

When they got to the park Drake brought Violet an ice cream cone. After eating a bit of the ice cream Violet began to feel sick. She dropped the ice cream on her head

"You've made a big mess" Drake pointed out trying to get the ice cream out of Violets hair.

"I don't feel so..." Violet started to say but started throwing up all over Drake.


	4. Chapter 4

Drake carried Violet home at arms length.

When they got home Drake called Josh. (After having changed his outfit, put a screaming violet in a box and hung it on a peg.

One hour later Josh came home, and despite what Drake had said on the phone he looked happy.

Drake was in the living room rocking himself on the floor.

"Josh thank god your here, Violet's thrown up and..."

"Drake, Mindy's coming home tonight. Drake screamed for the next hour, and then the door bell rang.

They both walked to the door, Josh answered it.

"Mindy!" Josh yelled happily, pulling Mindy into a hug. Mindy kissed Josh, while Drake made gagging noises.

"Shut up you ignoramus!" Mindy said, hanging her coat up.

"OH MY GOD! IS THAT A BABY?" she screamed.

"Yeah, she wanted to fly" Drake explained.

"I don't believe you; I left you for 4 hours. And in that time she's thrown up, she's a mess and now you're telling me she wants to fly!" Josh yelled.

"Yeah" Drake said.

"Someone just put her to bed!" Mindy yelled.

5 years later...

Drake and Josh were walking home from a party.

"I hope Violet hasn't scared off the babysitter" Josh said as they walked through the door.

Violet was half asleep on the sofa watching "Saw 2".

"Violet why are you watching an R rated film?" Josh demanded.

"I thought it was the news, and the babysitter put it on" Violet said tiredly, Josh turned off the T.V.

"Where is the babysitter?" he asked.

"Oh she left an hour ago to get drunk" Violet said.

"I don't think we should have her again" Drake said.

"You think!" Josh yelled, "and Violet you should have been in bed an hour ago" he added.

"But its 9:30" she yawned.

"Awww she' tired" Drake cooed.

"Am not" Violet mumbled falling asleep.

"Yes you are little ushi" Drake said picking her up.

"Drake, I think "ushi" means "cow" in Japanese" Josh said.

Violet woke up in bed terrified. It was 2:30 am, she ran into Josh's room.

"Josh can I sleep with you?" she said. Josh snored in reply, Violet sied and ran into Drakle's room.

"Drake?" she said.

"What?" he muttered.

"Can I sleep with you, I had a nightmare". Violet said, Drake moaned.

"Are you toilet trained?" he asked.

"Yeah" she said and climbed in "are you?.

"I don't know" Drake said but Violet was asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Violet woke up, it was 6 in the morning "Drake, wake up" she said shaking Drake.

"Go away" he muttered. Violet glared at him and then jumped on him. "Violet, that really hurt!" Drake shouted and shoved her off him.

"Sorry Drake but its really late" Violet said sweetly.

"We don't have to get up for another two hours" Drake told her.

"But I want pancakes" she protested.

"You'll have to wait", Violet looked down.

"Um Drake".

"What!"

"I have to go to the bathroom" Violet said in a small voice.

"Well I think it might be a good idea to go then" Drake advised.

"But it's dark and scary" Violet mumbled.

Drake sighed, "Fine I'll come with you".

"Thank you Drake" Violet said in her cute voice.

"Whatever" Drake muttered getting up. "Come on then" he said pointing to the ladder of his bunk bed.

"Err... I don't have to go anymore" Violet said.

"VIOLET GET OFF THE BED AND INTO THE BATHROOM NOW!!!" Drake screamed. Violet got up.

"But what about the monsters" She whimpered.

"Fine" Drake yelled picking violet up and carrying her at arms length. Drake walked down the hallway to the bathroom, Violet whimpered thinking about her nightmare.

"See look, I told you there were no monsters" Drake said calming Violet.

"Yeah, except that one" she said pointing to the right, Drake turned and saw a green face that looked a bit like Josh. He dropped Violet who started crying.

"Drake, you hurt Violet" Josh said.

"Yeah Drake, I don't love you anymore" Violet cried.

"But... but" Drake started crying, Josh rolled his eyes as he picked up Violet. Violet wiped her finger on Josh's Face mask and licked it.

"Yum, tasty" she said, Drake did the same.

"Yeah, that's good" he said, "But why put it on your face?" he added.

"That's not food, it's a face mask" Josh yelled, Drake gagged as Violet threw up all over Josh.

"Oh I gonna puke" Drake moaned and threw up on the rest of Josh.

"Ewwwwww!" Josh screamed running off "I'm gonna get cleaned up, I know this will be hard for you Drake but please try to do something useful!" he added.

Violet yawned. "Bedtime" Drake said picking up Violet who was shivering.


End file.
